Being in expectation of a baby is one of the most social enterprises I have ever undertaken. By now, exactly eight months in, I am so tired of it. I wish I could just sit it out without doctors, midwives and family members interfearing. I know they all mean well and it’s just me an my nerves that opposes them. I should be thankful for so much support, considering other womens situations, but right now, I just wish to be by myself. I literally cannot wait for the day when the little one has been presented to all the friends and family and I can be alone with him and M. to enjoy parenthood. My worries about whether or not I will be a good parent have disappeared; I just want the baby born now.

Why this change? Well, the pregnancy went from flawless to flawed. I could live with the belly, the sleeplessness, the kicking in my side, the tiredness, the no smoking and no drinking, but now my bloodpressure is getting too high. And with the high bloodpressure, which I’m convinced is mostly caused by stress, come more doctor visits and examinations that are only causing me to have even more stress and get even more tired. I feel like I’m stuck in a vicious circle and other than M. no one really seems to understand this. I can’t explain what exactly makes me nervous about meeting people, doctors, friends, family and strangers, I just know that it has always been this way.

Today M.’s mother (I’m sorry to say it, but that’s another stress factor right there) is driving me to hospital so I can have my urine and blood tested for the third time this week, they can hook me up to a machine to keep track of the baby’s heartrate and my bloodpressure for another hour or so and I can feel completely worn out again by the end of the day.